Fr.Elijah Fanous

What is happening in the political arena in regards to same sex marriage motivated me to read one of the books recommended by Fr. Botros Sami:

Saia, Michael R., “Counselling the Homosexual: A Compassionate and Biblical Guide for Pastors and Counsellors”, Bethany House Publishers, March 1988

The introduction of the book is very interesting and I thought I have to share it on my blog as it defines how we mostly perceive homosexuals and the Christian way of doing it.

Written By Michael Saia

“Repent, you fa….!” the street evangelist screamed through his hand-held bullhorn. The loudspeaker made the angry tones of the man’s voice all the more irritating, and the crowd began to jeer. Spitting epithets, the crowd moved out of earshot. The evangelist smiled smugly at his own faithfulness to preach the “Good News” in the face of “persecution.”

An unlikely scenario? Unfortunately not. This street scene took place in one of our major cities. It highlights the drastic need for change in the attitudes of many in the body of Christ. Due to a dearth of information, and in some cases from false information, Christians often respond without compassion to those whose lives are gripped by homosexuality. Christians who proclaim “God is love” and “Jesus loves everybody” are often the last to show love to people they can only think of as “perverts,” “sex deviates,” “queers,” or “fags.”

Without a change of attitude our words will forever fall on the deaf ears of those who are searching desperately for the very thing we hope to offer—unconditional love, the unconditional love of God. To many homosexuals, the “Good News” of Jesus Christ often becomes the “bad news”:

God hates homosexuality.

I am homosexual.

Therefore, God hates me.

Our message comes out sounding like this: “If you give up your way of having your need for love met for your entire life, God will forgive you and give you eternal life.” The homosexual who hears this “Good News” reasonably responds with “No thanks, buddy” and walks away longing for the love only Christ can give. Was the problem with Christ himself? No, but the only Christ the homosexual may have seen was a well-meaning Christian who exhibited a bad attitude and thus communicated rejection, turning the homosexual away from his only true hope.

Even Christians who do not shout put-downs on the street commonly lack Christ’s compassion for homosexuals. One time my friend Bob, who struggled at times with his sexual preference, had accompanied me to a meeting for a study in the Word of God and fellowship with other Christians. “There’s not one guy in there I would go to if I needed help with my problem,” Bob remarked as we left.

Normally the Bible study included both sexes, but it happened to include only men this particular night. When the subject of homosexuality came up—Bob did not initiate it—everyone in the group seemed to have something to say. People cracked jokes, told stories, and expressed opinions and attitudes. Bob listened in silence, but studied every face. His remark following the study told it all. These Christians said that they loved everyone, but their attitudes did not reflect that love. Thus Bob was cut off from the very people he should be able to look to for comfort, prayer, and support.

People often think they have God’s attitude toward homosexuality and homosexuals because they feel revulsion at the mention of the topic. But is this really God’s attitude? The well-dressed businessman who confronted me after a meeting obviously felt I had been far too gracious in my comments about homosexuals and their problems. “How can you talk about homosexuals in that way?” he challenged. “Don’t you realize that God says that what they are doing is an abomination?”

“And have you ever lied?” I asked him.

“Why, yes, but . . .”

“And have you ever been proud?”

“Yes, but . . .”

“And yet you feel no revulsion toward yourself even though God says that these activities are an abomination before Him?”

“Well, no . . .” he said, and went on to another subject.

Our opinions and ideas about homosexuality and homosexuals usually reflect the world’s perspective, not God’s. While we were growing up, most of our thoughts were moulded by the world and its thoughts rather than by the truth of God’s Word. And since the “whole world is under the power of the wicked one,” and that wicked one is the father of lies, most of what we learned was a lie. God does hate sin and He declares that the act of homosexuality is an abomination before Him, only because of His great love for us. God hates sin because it destroys us; our sin does not bring Him to abhor us as individuals.

Christ, though He hated sin, maintained God’s attitude toward people and sin. When Jesus went to eat dinner at the house of Simon the Pharisee, the meal was interrupted by the entrance of an uninvited woman. The woman stood behind Jesus, wept on His feet, wiped His feet with her hair, and anointed His feet with perfume.

Simon, seeing this, said to himself, “If this man were really a prophet, he would know that this is a sinner who is touching him.”

And Jesus, answering Simon’s thoughts, said, Do you see this woman?”

In Jesus response lies the difference between the way we see people and the way God sees them. Simon saw a “sinner.” Jesus saw a woman. We have to ask ourselves whether we see “sinners” or men and women.

Like Simon’s reaction, the revulsion that many people have toward the homosexual may stem from pride: “Well, I’m really better than these sex deviates because at least my sin doesn’t include the perversion of homosexuality.” But our hearts can deceive us; we need to let God reveal our motives to us so we can deal with the real reasons behind our attitudes toward others.

Unless attitudes in the church change, we cannot help but communicate rejection to the very people we hope to reach. If we do not begin to see men and women instead of “sinners,” the world will shout “Hypocrisy!” when we say that we love one another. The hollow ring of our words will be lost in the clamour of sin, and the unbeliever will go away unconvinced that Jesus was sent from the Father.

But how do we change our attitudes?

An attitude is a mental habit that produces an emotional “tone” in a person’s life—that is, a person thinks so long in a certain way about a subject that even its mention will bring about a habitual emotional response. For instance, a person with a bad attitude toward work is someone who has thought about work in the wrong way for so long that even the thought of work can bring on negative reactions. If the person can learn to think truthfully about work (i.e., “in all labour there is profit”), then his emotions will eventually follow his thoughts, and a positive attitude will result.

Thus we can change our attitudes by learning to think according to the truth regarding a particular issue. The raw material necessary for changing an attitude, then, is truth, and this comes to us in the form of information.

Accurate information gives birth to compassion, the compassion God wants us to have toward people. Impatience with others and the problems they face frequently reflects a lack of understanding about their background and experiences. It seems as if the more we know about someone, the easier it is to understand why he does the things he does and to have patience with him as he sorts out his problems.

When I was attending Bible school, I boarded in a house with three other Christian men. One of the men, Jim, was notorious for the amount of noise he could make while eating. Most mothers teach their children to close their mouths while chewing, but somehow Jim’s mother seemed to have missed this point.

One day, as Jim was enjoying his peanut butter sandwich, I had endured enough. I was about to say something when I felt an impression from the Holy Spirit. “Wait,” He said. “Don’t say anything just yet.” So I decided to wait on God’s timing.

Later that same day, Jim and I were visiting one of Jim’s unsaved friends. As we sat in the kitchen and discussed our faith in Christ, Jim began to talk about his teeth.

“It’s awfully embarrassing,” Jim said, almost apologetically,“that I have to make so much noise when I eat.”

Well, well, I thought. I suspect that I am about to learn something.

“You see,” Jim continued, “I only have the front four teeth on both top and bottom, and no teeth from there back. So I have to chew everything in the front of my mouth and I make a terrible racket while I eat. Someday I may get the money to do something about it.”

I learned something that day—not only about Jim, but also about compassion and patience. I never again found it as difficult to listen to Jim’s chewing. Information had changed me.

Maybe this is why the Lord has such compassion on us—He knows us so well that He even knows better than we do why we behave the way we do. This never excuses bad behaviour, of course, but it may help us understand why He has such patience with us.

Understanding the background, experiences, problems, needs and thoughts of the homosexual (or one who has a homosexual sexual preference) can also help us to express compassion, patience, and flexibility when we try to support someone struggling with such problems. Truth will change our attitudes and make us more effective servants of Christ.

As recently as ten years ago it was difficult to find good books on homosexuality written from a Christian perspective. In the last few years a number of good books have been published, and it is commendable that the body of Christ is responding to the need for information on this problem. But zeal to speak to the issue has sometimes resulted in communicating biblical standards of morality without explaining the psychology of homosexuality. Zeal without understanding has brought continuing condemnation to those struggling with a sexual preference distortion and has encouraged the Church to maintain a legalistic, uncompassionate posture toward those it does not understand.

It is my sincere hope that this book will accomplish two ends. First, that the material will effectively equip members of Christ’s body to support and counsel those who struggle with homosexuality. I wish to give these counsellors practical, step-by-step, principle-oriented information to use in counselling. Second, I hope that the book will serve as an instrument of direction and encouragement to those struggling with temptation toward homosexuality. My desire is that through this information the “struggler” might come to freedom and stability in his walk with Christ and might glorify Christ through a godly life.